Days of Old
by ConsyCoffee
Summary: Childhood story of Consy Coffee an adopted child of Kathryn Janeway. Consy Coffee is my rpg character and this is her story. Age 6 to 11


**Days of Old**

Consy Coffee

_Chapter 1_

_What's in a Name?_

The girl child woke because she was chilled. She opened her tiny eyes and rubbed the sleep from them with her hands. Her teeth chattered, and she was soaked, the dampness sinking in from the morning dew. She looked around her, she had no idea where she was, then suddenly she remembered.

She had found a transporter and come to Starfleet academy they before. The buildings around all had the same distinctive architecture and were mostly covered with classic red bricks and multiple technological designs. The terrain around the buildings seemed to offer a lot of various flora and fauna. The paths across the grounds crisscrossed and led towards the different sections and buildings. The kid walked these paths, the movement soon warming her young body. She eventually ended up on the beach of the Pacific Ocean. The sound of the waves rolling into the sand soothed her soul. She sat on one of the benches that sat on the limit between grass and sand, looking around at the people that came and went, walking the different pathways to the buildings. She noticed that nearly everyone seemed to be wearing the same kind of outfit, only with various colors: some red and black, some yellow and black and others that were blue and black.

The kid also watched as groups arrived on the beach. Most wore casual clothing and it was never the same. Some arrived with a blanket and picnic basket. She watched silently as young babes seemingly touched the ocean for the first time with their toes. Their small feet crunching up in a beneath them before they wailed from the cold. The laughter of the child' parents at its reaction. Some children ran in the sand and threw it at each other. She also noticed the lovers chasing after each other in the water. The friends trying too out swim each other, the laughter, the smiles, the talking. Everything resonated in her young ears and eyes, she noticed everything.

The life of everyone around seemed so normal, so perfect, happy and carefree. She could tell she was not like them. She was different. She didn't know any of these people. She didn't even know where she was, at least not really. The last thing she remembered was a masculine voice saying to another, "Leave her! Her high intellect will make her survive." She didn't know what that meant.

She eyed a basket full of food that remained unattended on a blanket. She slowly slid in its direction, keeping her eye on the owners that were in the water. She looked around her, seeing that no one was looking, she stood next to the basket, opened it and took whatever her small hands could get a hold of. She quickly ran in the opposite direction with a sandwich in her hands. She ran as fast as her little legs could carry her, ignoring the adults and kids, zigzagging through them. Once she was far enough away, she sat next to some tables with odd looking pieces on them.

She unwrapped the sandwich and took a big mouthful. She chewed it many times over, eating it very slowly. She didn't know when she would eat again. Her interior silence was broken by some cadets moving towards the table.

"My game today." A black haired young man said. He rearranged the chess pieces on the table.

She watched she was a quick study.

"Logic states otherwise." A pointed ear women answered. She too moved her pieces.

They played a few games, each time, the young man loosing. A few other people arrived, setting up and playing at the different tables. The child watched, learning each time, before long she knew how to play the game, and what strategies were involved to win. She moved towards the first table where two men were playing. She barely stood higher than the table.

"Shouldn't your mommy or daddy be here?" The man said, patting her on the head, having noticed her approach.

She shrugged. "Here." She took a piece and moved it.

"Um no thanks." He took the piece and moved it back to its original place. "Is your mommy here?" He asked again, finding it odd to see such a young child alone. She shrugged again and moved away ignoring him. She moved to the second table. She did the same thing. Again, the players ignored her suggestion and pushed her off.

"Smart child." The sole women player said, having watched the situation. "Come here."

The child moved towards the woman. "Have you played before?"

She shook her head no. "What should my next move be?" The woman asked her.

Her partner started to protest. "You've got to be kidding me?"

The girl child stood on her tiptoes and looked at the pieces. She moved the queen next to the tower, blocking the king in the corner. "Win." She said.

"Very good." The woman congratulated her, while her partner was silenced "Let's see how you play."

They reset the board, the man not too happy to have lost but intrigued. He decided to listen and to watch, wondering if the kid had talent or if she had just been lucky.

"You play." The guy stood up and placed the kid into the seat. He then watched the game.

"Well I'll be damned." He said once the child won the first game. At these words everyone around stopped their own games to watch the exchange between what looked like a 6 year old child and a Vulcan. The Vulcan was known to be an excellent chess player who rarely lost. The game between them didn't last very long, even the second time around. Taking an unexpected twist, the redheaded girl child beat the woman again.

"How did you learn to play?" One of the players asked.

"Watch." Was all the kid answered.

"You learned to play like that only by watching?" Someone said disbelievingly.

She nodded.

"It's Vulcan ability." The Vulcan said, she brushed back the kid's hair, revealing the pointed ears, as if that answered all the questions that came to people's mind, the crowd that had gathered moved back to their tables. Some of the players asked 'the kid' for help. One in particular, at the far end asked for her. "Hey Conscious." He directed at the girl child, proffering a cookie he had brought, as he set up the chess table. "Care to help me win?" She nodded, putting away the cookie before she guided the player to victory.

After many days of playing around the tables she went from being "hey kid" to "hey Conscious" to "hey Consy." She liked the sound of it, it was better than being called kid all the time. Soon the regular players got used to the sight of her, and offered food in exchange for her help. Nobody knew who she was, or why she was there, all assumed that she was the daughter of some Starfleet officer that let her roam freely the grounds.

_Chapter 2_

_Smarts_

A 7 year old Consy was climbing an apple tree for its fruit. She was holding an apple in her hand and was getting ready to pull on another when she heard a grumpy voice call to her.

"What do you think you're doing young lady?"

Consy nearly fell from the branch that was holding her weight. "Removing bad apples." She said, trying to get away with what she was doing. She had noticed the grumpy old man before. He was very simple, and tended to the Starfleet gardens. He did everything himself, the old fashioned way, even the watering.

"That so?" He crossed his arms over his chest disbelievingly.

Consy thought quickly and grabbed a rotten apple that she had removed earlier and tossed it at him. "See."

He caught it in his hands, looked at it and nodded approvingly. "Come down from there before you hurt yourself." She did as requested. She did not want to aggravate this man. She had heard him many times shoo people out of his gardens and shake an angry finger at them. He was always complaining about having to replant a particular rosebush. Consy had been sneaking in and out of his garden for the past month; finding it easy access to food. She had discovered the fresh fruit and for her it meant she was not always hungry. It was not always easy to trade her talents for food. Especially now with the chess players gone, in training or so that was what they had said. The beach was empty, the season now too advanced and cold for swimmers.

"Me... help you." She offered as her toes landed on the soft soil underneath the tree. She bit into the luscious red apple.

His gaze softened as he looked at the redheaded child, she was so thin, and so tiny. His heart melted his earlier temptations of shooing her out gone. He grabbed another fresh apple from a tree and threw it at her. "I'll show you."

And so it was that Consy at the age of 7 learnt all she needed to know about plants. She helped Boothby daily, helping him wean and prune the trees, collect fruit, plant the weekly uprooted rosebush, water the gardens and whatever other task he needed. One morning after catching her sleeping amidst some hay bales he asked.

"Need a place to stay?" He knew better than to ask why she was out her alone. He had noticed the signs of orphanhood when he had first set eyes on her, but had never really paid attention to those signs until now. He was a hologram, programmed to tend to the plants and shoo people away.

She nodded. He setup a cot in the tool shed and provided her with clean clothes, room and food. She in exchange helped out in the garden. They never really discussed who she was; they simply avoided that discussion all together. Maybe he knew that she couldn't answer or maybe he knew that she would wiggle her way out of the truth, as she always did. Either way, he enjoyed her company and continued to guide her. He finally attempted to enroll her in school when she was 10.

"Why? Roses more fun." Consy had asked him, she had been with him for 3 years now. She had learnt how to perfectly tend the gardens. She did not know how long it would last with Boothby but school sounded like his excuse to kick her out.

"Education is a necessary evil." He had answered as he had shipped her off to school.

After entering, the adults had sat her in front of a panel of teachers that asked general questions, trying to figure out what grade she was supposed to be in. After more than an hour of verbal questions, all of which she had correctly answered, the teachers looked at each other slightly confused. How was it possible that a child of 10, uneducated answer all those questions? They did a physical exam, noticing that she appeared perfectly health, slightly underfed but healthy all the same. Nothing seemed to explain the high intelligence. Finally, after many discussions, they provided her with a written exam usually completed when students exited high school.

Consy stared at the words on the screen in front of her for only a few minutes after the teacher had finished setting up and had explained its purpose. She really didn't see the point of doing the exam. It was a waste of her time. She ignored the flashing screen and moved towards the window. She stared outside, longing to be climbing one of the trees or chasing after a butterfly that was fluttering by, or even watching Boothby wave an angry finger at a trespassing cadet. The teacher frowned, "You only have two hours to do this exam."

"So?" She shrugged. After ten more minutes, and a few more scowls from the teacher, Consy finally went back to the flashing screen. She read through each of the question, answering each one. When she came to the last question, Consy stared at the complex math for more than thirty minutes. A confused brow crossed her expression then it cleared. "This question is faulty, there is no correct answer." The supervising teacher gasped. No one had ever successfully answered the last question correctly. It was intended to force students to think, to make them realize that sometimes the correct answer was no answer.

Consy did not know precisely what happened next. The sequence of events following moved a bit fast. She waited, as the teacher left the room going to inform the others of her result. Consy played with the screen, trying to do something else with the console. Each time, a message would appear, stating access denied. Consy moved towards another computer terminal, this one slightly different. Consy touched a few buttons on the screen, the access denied message displaying again. The computer was obviously locked out to prevent student access. Consy ignored the message and fiddled with the internal chips. She pulled one out of her pocket and one out of the computer core. She then switched a few wires around. Before long, the access denied message disappeared. Her thumb print on the screen activated the console. "Greetings Consy." The computer greeted her and lit up. Consy pulled various documents from the computer. Consy was looking at Starfleet cadet training courses. Consy's memory was excellent anything she saw once, was imprinted in her memory, forever. "Someone is approaching." The computer warned her. Consy quickly removed her chip and turned off the computer. She moved towards the window, staring outside the window again.

After a few minutes, the teacher returned and asked Consy to follow him. "It would appear you have extraordinarily high intelligence for someone so young. Starfleet academy has programs for people with talents such as yours. You go when you want to and you do what you feel like doing. " Consy nodded, that was more to her liking. They left the high school and moved slowly towards Starfleet academy.

_Chapter 3_

_Green Thumb_

Consy entered the pristine building and moved towards the end of the hall. She entered the small room and moved towards the far end. There were four other kids in the small area, two of which were working on a scientific experiment, hunched over their equipment, mumbling to each other. The oldest was a 15 year old girl, she looked half asleep since she was lying on the floor, but was actually looking up into the vast openness of the ceiling that was projecting space and stars. The forth was a snotty brat who never shut up, he was always talking to himself, doing some calculation or other. Consy and he definitely did not get along.

Consy was the youngest of them all at age 11 and she really didn't think she fit it with the odd group. They were raving scientists, doing research. They all seemed brilliant in their own way. She didn't think her intelligence was anything compared to theirs. She had ended up here after doing too well on the school exam, now she wondered if she shouldn't have done on purpose to mess up. She ignored all of them and moved towards her personal project. She looked at the rosebush that was fully striving, and beautiful, regardless of the numerous attacks it had received.

"According to my calculation, your rosebush will die in approximately 15,05 minutes." The snotty kid said.

Consy rolled her eyes. She had modified the genetic code of the rosebush so that no matter what happened, it would not uproot and would retake its form. Her previous attempts had ended up with the rosebush dying after a specific amount of time, or so the snotty kid had calculated. After more than a month of recalibration and testing, Consy had restarted. Now she was certain she had succeeded. It would be a great satisfaction for Boothby. It would also mean that this specific rosebush would replace the forever uprooted one. Consy waited, as did snot brain. After over an hour of waiting: "Guess your calculations were wrong Math Genius." Consy said. She had known that this time it would survive.

"Green Thumb." Was all he managed for an insult as he grumbled back into his corner. Upset to see that she had succeeded.

Consy gathered the rosebush and left the school, bringing it to her current guardian.

"Boothby?" She called out as she approached the gardening shed. She had noticed on her way over that the regularly uprooted rosebush was once more in need of planting.

He exited the shed, tools in hand.

"Consy, what have you there?"

"Ah ! This Boothby," She took his hand in hers. "Is the solution to the rosebush problem!"

"Is that so?" He knew that an explanation was in the making.

"This is the very special bush..." They stopped at the uprooted one. "I fixed it so that no one can uproot it."

He smiled. "That so?" He said again, surprised by her ingenuity.

They planted her rosebush.

_Chapter 4_

_Falling into Good Graces_

When more than a week passed and he truly did not have to replant the bush, he was thoroughly pleased. "You smart you..." He ruffled up Consy's hair. He did that when he was happy. He whistled a tune as he cut some roses.

"I have a special job for you." He told her as she followed him around, gathering the roses he was cutting.

"Oh?" Consy asked. She wasn't very talkative.

"We need to make bouquets for the wedding but we need an extra rose for someone."

Consy nodded.

"My leg is hurting an awful lot, care to do the deliver for me?" Consy was confused. He wanted to give a rose to someone, but wanted her to bring it? It seemed like an odd request, but she agreed.

"Admiral Kathryn Janeway." He said, giving her the sole rose that was pink and white. Consy nodded again and moved in the direction of the offices. She stopped at a computer console, finding out which office belonged to the specific admiral.

_Consy rang the chime and entered when the woman invited her in. _

_  
"Excuse me, express delivery from Boothby." Consy said as she had entered the office. She moved closer to the admiral and handed the single rose to Janeway._

Janeway smiled, she was not really the type to smile a lot. At least, that was how it appeared to Consy. 

_Kathryn Janeway had just recently returned to Earth, and still missed her ship. She also felt crushed by the pressure of being an Admiral, "Thank you. Consy, would you like to join me for a walk?"_

Consy was surprised the admiral knew her name. Consy had never seen or heard of her until now. She hesitated; she really didn't know whether Boothby needed her anymore. "Ok." Consy said figuring she could always finish Boothby's work later.

Janeway took the delicate flower, held it to her nose and inhaled deeply. That seemed to melt away most of her stress. Consy watched, silently, reading the signs. She knew full well that the admiral had just revealed something important and very personal to Consy. She noted the loosening of the shoulders, the slight rising of hue on the Admiral's cheek. After a few seconds, the Admiral placed the rose down on her desk and invited Consy to follow. Consy followed the Admiral as they left the offices and walked.

Janeway started walking towards the beach. After ten minutes she stopped at a coffee and food stand, "Are you hungry?"

Consy looked around, noticing how others seemed to part for the Admiral. Consy was thinking about the real human contact, so natural and true, yet for Consy so unknown. She suddenly wondered what the others would think. She was after all only 11 years old and judging by the way people moved away, with someone very important. She suddenly realized Janeway was waiting, having asked a question. She was indeed hungry. "A little." She answered.

Janeway asked the dark-skinned woman at the food stand for two fruit salads and coffee, then gave one to Consy, they then continued the leisurely walk.

"Thank You." Consy said, realizing the importance of the person with whom she was walking as many greeted them along the way. Consy ignored that, she simply knew she was enjoying the company of a real person. Someone other than a hologram or cadet, had interest in her. This was something she had never truly known. She contemplated all these things as she ate the fruit slowly. She wasn't sure if she should engage in idle talk or simply wait for the admiral to speak. The situation felt awkward for Consy who truly lacked in most social graces.

Janeway chose a bench overlooking the quiet beach and sat down, indicting to Consy to join her. Funny that the admiral had brought her to one of her favorite brooding spots.

Consy followed choosing to let the Admiral decide things.

"You know Boothby speaks well about you. He thinks very highly of you." She said. Janeway started to imitate Boothby "She is the sunshine in my otherwise grumpy life." 

_Consy remained silent she didn't really know what to say. "Seems you have real talent." Janeway said, munching on her fruit salad._

"It isn't too hard to cut flowers..." Consy answered.

"Boothby thinks you are very special."

"I did wonder why he allowed me into his garden ….he kicks everyone else out."

"He gets lonely sometimes" Janeway replied.

"He seems very human for a hologram." Consy stated.

"You noticed?" Janeway answered in a distracted manner.  


_"It's hard not to... he disappears." Consy said._

_Janeway smiled._

_  
Consy forced a smile in return but the gesture a bit odd, "He has nobody, no children... Do you have any children?" It seemed like a good question._

"No." Janeway admitted

"Oh." Consy said, realizing she had touched a sensitive cord.

_  
Janeway felt like crumbling, eventually she recomposed herself, but not before Consy could notice._

Consy decided to change the subject, "So... what do you do in Starfleet?"

"I see stars, amazing nebulas, strange new species and planets."

"Sounds like fun."

"It is. Are you interested in enrolling in the future?"

"Maybe? I have some files..." Consy said, but stopped she didn't want to go into too many details; she had hacked into the SFA mainframe to get the information.

"How did you manage to get files?" Janeway's curiosity was picked. Information wasn't readily given to people so young.

"Um..." Consy suddenly realized she had gotten herself in trouble. "I asked someone taking classes." She lied.

"Now young lady, you don't think you'll actually get away that easy. I've been alive long enough to know when someone is lying."

Consy looked down. "I bypassed the security locks."

"I see .... Why?"

"For fun, I didn't think I could do it.... now it's for the challenge."

"Boredom is a dangerous thing; we should find you something to occupy your time. Something fun"

"I have lots of things to do for fun..." Consy protested.

"We can't have you cracking into files. " Suddenly an idea dawned on her, "How would you like to be my helper?" Janeway asked having already realized Consy's potential after numerous discussions with Boothby.

"Really?" Consy was surprised. 

_"Yes really."_

_"When do I start?"_

"Next week. 0700 hours"

"Yes sir."

"Good." Janeway too was satisfied. "No need for sir, Kathryn will do fine." 

Consy swallowed, "Alright Kathryn."

_Chapter 5_

_New Beginnings_

When Consy entered Admiral Janeway's office the second time, she was surprised to see that it had been modified. A smaller desk and chair were now installed next to the Admiral's.

"Come in Consy." Janeway said

Consy did as asked, crossing the threshold. She handed another rose from Boothby. "He said that he agrees."

"Excellent." Janeway took the rose from Consy's hands and brought it to her nose, closing her eyes. Consy waited letting Kathryn enjoy the personal moment.

After a few seconds, Kathryn smiled. "Thanks. Now Consy, Boothby and I have discussed that fact that you need a real home… a real family."

Consy's heart stopped, panicking a little. What was wrong with living with Boothby? He had taken good care of her, even if he was only a hologram. Consy did not want to be truly alone again, she had connected with Boothby, even if he wasn't real. He seemed real enough to her. "But..." Consy pouted.

"No buts." Kathryn said, leaving it at that. She put two datapadds down on Consy's desk. "Here's some work for you."

Consy crossed her arms, frustrated. She had met this woman only last week, after bringing her a rose. They had talked a little, and it had ended with Consy becoming her helper. Consy was starting to regret her choice, especially since the Admiral was interfering with her personal life. Whose business was it that she lived with Boothby anyway? She remained stuck in place, her arms crossed, refusing to work.

"Boothby warned me of this stubbornness." The admiral said after a while, ignoring Consy, working on various things.

"Hmmfs." Consy puffed out and after more than an hour of standing, her arms crossed in frustration and the admiral ignoring her, she finally sat down at the desk and looked at the first datapadd. Consy dared a glance at Kathryn and realized that she was watching her, smiling broadly, almost laughing. Consy fought the urge to throw the datapad at her and walk away. "What?" She finally asked calmly although a little hotly.

"Nothing." She answered mysteriously, still watching Consy .

Consy shook her head, clearing the many angry thoughts that ran through it. Why had the admiral brought her in for? Thus far, this encounter was proving very frustrating and pointless. Consy flung her long hair over her shoulder, trying to ignore Kathryn. She finally turned on the datapad to look at what it said.

"_Hello Consy, I know this little test of character has not been easy, but trust me, Kathryn and I have your best interest at heart. _

_She, like I, believes in you. She is offering that which I cannot, true companionship, true care, a real family. As of now, she will be your care giver. If ever you need anything, I will remain available for you. I am sorry I could not tell you this in person." _

It was signed, by Boothby.

Consy looked up at Kathryn, her frustration lifting somewhat but confusing reigning. When had this curved ball been thrown at her? She had only meet Kathryn last week, and this was the second meeting. Nothing Boothby had said had foreshadowed this. Consy wasn't sure if she was supposed to be excited or frustrated.

"Effective immediately?" Were the only words Consy managed. She didn't like the feeling that things were slipping away from her and out of her control.

Kathryn nodded and laughed.

Consy listened to the laughter and for the first time in her life joined in, realizing the nonsense of her remark.

"Ah … laughing matters." A man said, all smiles. He had some kind of tribal tattoo on his face.

"Chakotay, just in time." Kathryn said. "Please meet Consy, my protégée."

Consy straightened, "Nice to meet you Sir." She said, having noticed the command pips on his collar.

_Chapter 6_

_Essence of a Rose_

The homestead in Indiana was surrounded by many acres of farmland, but with the approach of Christmas the soil was muddy and dark, covered with manure to allow the soil to regain its nutrients for the upcoming growth season. The house was in the center of the farm and was two stories high. It had a wraparound porch that overlooked the lands. There was a pond filled with ducks that quacked loudly, and with fish jumped out of the surface. A fence of trees sat the far end were the forest began. It was filled with foxes chasing after rabbits, and with birds that sang with the morning. The chickens cooed, eating grains.

The entire site was quiet and old fashioned, nothing like the fast moving life of Starfleet academy. Somehow Consy didn't see Kathryn fitting in with this quiet rural life.

"This is our home." Kathryn told Consy as they landed the shuttle.

"Home?" Consy raised a brow as they exited. Consy had never, as far as she remembered, lived anywhere else but on Starfleet grounds. Nor had she seen this place before.

"I grew up here."

Consy nodded, getting ready to reply to that when an older looking version of Janeway came out to greet them. "Kathryn my daughter, you're late!" She pulled her daughter into a tight hug. Consy watched, looking from one to the other. They had many similarities, right down to cheek bones and hair styles.

"It's nice to be home Mom." Kathryn said.

When the hugged ended, "You must be Consy Janeway." Consy's brow rose again. When had that happened? Kathryn laughed, yes some people had started to call her that in private. Kathryn had done nothing to discourage it, she had more or less adopted Consy.

Consy pondered the concept, it did please her, but she wasn't sure she wanted her namesake to be connected with someone so well known. "Consy, Consy Coffee if you must." Consy answered after a few seconds, thinking of the other nickname she had.

It was Kathryn's turn to raise a brow. "Coffee?"

"Subspace Café's fault." Consy replied. She didn't know how she was supposed to address the woman that welcomed them. Kathryn and Consy had not discussed it.

Gretchen reading Consy's uncertainty said, "You can call my grandma if you'd like. That's what Phoebe's son calls me."

"Nice to meet you, grandma." She said, stretching out a hand, out of formality. It's what social standards suggested.

Gretchen took it and pulled the 11 year old Consy into her arms, hugging her tightly. "Welcome to the family homestead."

Consy didn't really know what to do. She had never had a family to deal with before. She hugged the old woman back. Dealing with the daily social graces was still hard, and new for Consy.

"Now Phoebe should arrive with her husband and son within the next minutes, I've set up your rooms. You're in your old bedroom." She told Kathryn, "And I've set you up in the first spare bedroom. Feel free to look around." She told Consy.

Kathryn nodded as they entered the home. Consy took the staircase up to the first story, bringing the duffel bags with her. "First room on the right is yours, the first on the left mine." Kathryn called up.

She watched Consy enter her room to put a bag down and then other. "You gave her the room with all the books and the technology." Kathryn stated, "You do realize we've lost her for the rest of the night if not week?"

"Yes, you told me she was very solitary and liked reading. I remember someone else who was like that." Gretchen smiled.

Kathryn smiled, "I wasn't half that bad... At least I came out for brownies..." Kathryn teased.

"You're saying she'll resist?" Gretchen asked, as she noticed that the bedroom door was now shut with the lights turned off.

"She doesn't talk or eat very much... "

"Wonder who she gets that from." Gretchen said. "You're not a very good example to follow." She said. "You've lost weight since we last meet." She said as if to prove her point.

Kathryn was about to protest when the sound of a dog barking sounded through the open screen door.

"Ahh! That must be Phoebe with her family." Gretchen stepped outside to greet her other daughter. A fat dog was running around the yard, chasing after the chickens. A 3 year old boy was trying to run after the dog, screaming as he went. "Phoebe, Anderson" She pulled the couple into her arms. "Kathryn!" Phoebe said spotting her sister and disentangling from her mother's hug to embrace her sister. "I'm told there's a mini you!"

"Is that what mom told you?"

"She is a mini Kathryn. Quiet, solitary, stubborn..." Gretchen stopped after receiving a death glare from Kathryn. She then called out to her grandson. "Caleb!" She opened her arms to him.

The blond haired boy stopped in his tracks, his curly hair bouncing around. He was very tall for his age, already at 3 feet, and growing rapidly. He ran towards Gretchen and jumped into her open arms.

"So where is she?" Phoebe asked. "No wait, let me hazard a guess." Phoebe smiled if she was really similar to Kathryn she'd be up in a room. "The right bedroom?"

"Exactly!" Gretchen said.

Phoebe laughed. "Honey, please take our stuff in the middle room on the left." She told him as the three Janeway's sat outside, watching Caleb run around the animals.

"Where's the Indian man you brought with you last time?" Phoebe asked Kathryn. Phoebe had been etching to ask the question for a while now but had waited. She asked every year. She now awaited the answer.

"He had previous obligations." She answered.

"Ahm, right." Phoebe coughed.

Kathryn threw the pillow at her sister shutting her up. Phoebe threw it back. Caleb seeing that came running towards them. He grabbed the pillow and threw it from one to the other.

"I'm making some brownies and coffee." Gretchen said getting up and moving towards the kitchen. She knew better than to get involved in what was the start of a sibling fight.

Gretchen entered the kitchen and made some coffee. She placed the already prepared brownie batch in the oven and moved in direction of the upstairs bedroom with two coffees in hand. Now seemed like a good time to speak with the new member of the family.

She knocked timidly on the door, Kathryn had talked with her numerous times about Consy; her difficulty to socialize, her stubbornness, her amazing talents, her addiction to coffee so on and so forth. Gretchen had offered motherly advice numerous times.

"Come in." Consy called in a quiet voice.

Gretchen entered. She looked around in the dark, trying to find Consy and was surprised to see her in bed. She had expected to see her reading or playing with the computer parts.

"Is everything alright?" She asked, moving towards the bed. She offered a coffee to Consy.

"A bit dizzy..." Consy said, her shaking hand took the coffee that was offered.

Gretchen lowered her own mug, and quickly checked Consy's vitals. Her heart was slow but regular, her temperature seemed fine.

"I think its warp lag." Consy said, bring the mug to her lips.

Gretchen nodded. "First time in a shuttle?"

Consy nodded.

"Hmm your mum had that to the first time. I know exactly what will do the trick." Gretchen exited the room and returned a few seconds later with a small vile in her hands. "Smell this."

Consy obeyed, and was surprised when the soft odor of roses filled her lungs intertwined with salty ocean odors.

"Soothes the soul doesn't it?" Gretchen said.

Consy nodded. She now understood why Kathryn enjoyed the pink-white roses so much.

"Better?"

Consy nodded again.

"Essence of a rose, it always works."

_Chapter 7_

_Christmas Morning_

Consy woke with a startle as Caleb landed with a hard thud on top of her. He had been doing that all week now.

"Oomfs"

"Onsy" He said happily.

"Morning Caleb." Consy grabbed the little tyke with difficulty. He weighed almost the same thing as her, even if she stood a full head taller.

She pulled the blankets over him. "Sleep time." Consy glanced at the clock, it was 05h00. She groaned, why did he always have to wake her first?

"No! Irstmas presents!" He said. Consy had no idea what he was talking about.

Consy listened, "Everyone's still asleep Caleb."

"Irstmas!!" He whined. He pulled himself out of her bed, and yanked Consy with him as he pulled the blankets.

She landed with a hard bang on the floor. "Ow."

He ran out of the room, satisfied that she was awake and ran into the opposite room, into Kathryn's. Consy groaned, "Caleb no!" She protested. She stood, trying to go after him. Kathryn would not be impressed.

"Irstmas!!" Caleb shouted as he opened the door.

Consy grabbed Caleb by the hand, moving him away from the door. What was wrong with him? She wondered, he had never done this before. "Quiet," She said sternly, staring at him as she took hold of the handle about to shut the door again.

"It's alright." She heard Kathryn call, "Go wake your mum Caleb." Consy let go of Caleb as he stuck his tongue out at her and moved towards his parents' bedroom.

Consy scuffed, ready to go back to bed when she heard a voice from the main floor call her. "Morning Consy." Gretchen called. Consy had spent the major part of the week in her bedroom, reading the books in her room and messing around with the computer. Grandma Gretchen had tried to pull her out with food, brownies to be more exact. When that had failed, she had tried with coffee. Consy had respectfully turned down nearly all the invitations to join in with the group. It required too much effort on her part to socialize, and she lacked the desire. But Grandma Gretchen was alone, so it would be easier, Consy thought.

Consy looked down to the living area. It was decorated with multi-colored lights, and candles. In the corner of the room was a tree, lit up with bright lights and decorated with various shapes. Ships, balls and stars hung from it. Boxes of all sizes were beneath the tree. There was plenty for the eye to see, small menageries, puffed up snow, tinkling bells, bright red poinsettias and mistletoe. Everything was placed so sweetly and attentively. Consy had never seen anything so beautiful. She was awed by the beauty of everything. Consy stood in place mesmerized, looking at the different things. Her eyes didn't know what to look at.

"Irstmas!" Caleb said as he half ran down the stairs towards the tree with his parents in toe.

Kathryn approached Consy seeing her transfixed, realizing then that Consy had never celebrated Christmas before

"We'll be down in a minute." Kathryn called to the others and then lowered to Consy's height and explained.

"Christmas is a celebration to life. It commemorates the birth of Jesus of Nazareth and his life amongst humans. God wanted communion with his creations and sent his son. The magic lies in that God chose to become human. He even sacrificed himself for us. " She went on to explain more specifically the life of Jesus according to the Christian faith. "Christmas is truly magical. Over time, Christmas, has changed. It is about giving and believing. We Janeway's also have a lot of family traditions. For me it is a time to get together, to renew with family and friends. Mostly too rejoice and be together. We create fond and lasting memories. It's also something you feel inside." She placed a hand over her heart. Consy did the same but she wasn't sure she completely understood.

They stood up and finally joined the others downstairs, they had gathered in the family room around the Christmas tree. Phoebe, the true artist of the family, was sitting at the piano. She started to play the notes to famous Christmas carols, the others singing on cue.

Consy watched them, not really knowing the words nor the songs. She watched Caleb who sang off key every other word . Anderson sitting next to his wife was fingering a note or two. She could feel that there was a certain amount of magic in the air. After close to an hour of singing, the adults sat down on the over-sized couches near the piano, other people arriving ever so often. The room soon became overcrowded with guests and family members who gathered for the celebrations.

"Ah you must be the new Janeway I've heard about." A man directed at Consy.

She wasn't sure what she was supposed to say to that and simply nodded.

"Ungry, Caleb Ungry!" Consy looked at her, _what was the word_, cousin, and forced herself into hiding her facial expression. He was always saying that. She looked at him and new that he did not know the true meaning of the word.

"Ungry" He said again, tapping his pot belly. Consy sighed internally; he had never known true hunger. She resisted the urge to leave. All the celebrations, the decorations, the continued effort to interact socially, Caleb's insisting that he was hungry; all this was getting to her. She looked around. Numerous kids were running and chasing after each other, squealing with laughter. The adults were talking and exchanging, celebrating. While it was all new and had appeared fun at first, it now remained her to much of what she had missed. She started to crack under the pressure of mingling with so many people.

Three kids chasing after each other ran into Consy, sending her sprawling to the floor. "Sorry." The oldest of the three said before running in the opposite direction. "You're it!" He shouted over his shoulder.

"Ungry!"Caleb finally repeated, much louder this fourth time, trying to get someone's attention.

Consy's urge finally won out and she quietly escaped, sneaking out of the room before she could say or do something regrettable in front of so many guests.

Gretchen was quick to react before the situation turned to a disaster. She grabbed a muffin from the buffet on the dining table and handed it to Caleb. She then glanced at the fleeting image of Consy and then at Kathryn. "Shall I go?"

Kathryn shook her head no from a distance. She had an inclining of what was wrong. "Forgive me Tom." She said, going out in search of Consy.

_Chapter 8_

_Input Overload_

Consy tried to find a quiet place, somewhere she could be alone. After finding nearly all the rooms in the house occupied or noisy, she slide out the back door, off the porch and onto the muddy terrain. She walked towards the sycamore tree, and after looking at the different branches managed to climb into it. No one would come here. She leaned back against the trunk and balanced her weight between two branches as she closed her eyes, gathering her thoughts.

_Christmas... traditions... family what did it really mean? Nobody had ever told or taught her those things, not even Boothby. He had helped her, fed her, and taught her about plants and the cycle of life. He had taken her as she was, teaching her about flowers. Life had been very simple and fun with Boothby. No big fuss... no group meetings, no family reunions, just flowers and open spaces. All things she was familiar with. Consy longed a little for those days when her greatest problem was finding food and a good safe place to sleep. _

Consy shook her head clear.

_But Kathryn offered so much more. A family, a real home, care. Love...whatever these things meant. Yet life had been so much simpler when she'd been alone. Now it consisted of talking to people, participating in social activities, being careful to please. Most adults expected her to play with the other children, to be carefree and innocent... she was none of those. She wasn't innocent. She didn't play... at least not like they did. She had known true hunger and deep pain. She knew what it felt like to be cold, dirty, homeless, and famililess. Her sole friend - her imagination and her wit. How had she survived alone? It didn't make sense._

Many questions taunted her spirit.

_Who was she? What was her name? Why was she alone? Why had she been abandoned? What was the voice she remembered? Who did it belong to? What was meant by the words that haunted her, even now in her sleep "Leave her! Her high intellect will make her survive." She desired to know. She wanted to discover the truth. She sought to discover the answered. Many times over had she cracked computers, seeking out her real name, her identity, her history. Nothing she had read so far revealed anything. Should she be content in not knowing?_

Consy shook her head to clear it again.

_She was part of the Janeway family now. Even people in Starfleet had started to call her Consy Janeway. They seemed to think she didn't hear, but she did. Adults thought funny things about children._

Consy opened her eyes and looked without looking at the two-story home.

_Home... this was home? With its big open spaces and family. What did it mean be part of a family? Of this family? To be a Janeway? Did she want to be a Janeway? Everyone here except Grandma Gretchen and Kathryn called her a Janeway. They (Kathryn and Gretchen) seemed to know the questions that remained in her heart. They were genuinely interested, and cared. They had teased her about spending most of her time in her room but had respected her need for it. Was that what family did? _

A lone tear slid down her cheek.

_When had anybody showed her affection and care? Such tenderness? She had seen it many times at the beach, had actually longed for it. Had even been jealous of the other kids. Especially those getting hugged by their parents. With time, the feeling had gone. _

Another tear welled up.

_Who other than Boothby or Kathryn had shown that they cared? She tried to think back. She had made an impression on the chess players... they had been kind and had shown interest. She still remembered the young man that had traded her talents for a cookie. He had given her her first cookie. She could still remember how it smelled and tasted. The sweet essence of almond nuts mixed with coffee. Oh, how delectable it had been, tasting exactly as it had smelled. And thus beginning her addiction to coffee. _

Her mouth watered, and her stomach grumbled a little. The thought of food reminding her that she had not eaten today.

_Coffee, it seemed a suitable last name... one that would allow her to make her own path. The Janeway name was powerful. She had seen how others reacted to Kathryn and her... how it opened doors, and possibilities. She wasn't sure it suited her. She wasn't powerful, she didn't want to be in the spotlight. Would it insult the Janeway family if she didn't take on the namesake? Was it wrong to not take it? She listened to her heart... Kathryn was always telling her to listen to it... she said that it alone knew what was right. _

Consy closed her eyes, listening to nature's sounds, trying to listen to her heart.

_Chapter 9_

_Lost and Found_

Kathryn went up the stairs and knocked on Consy's door. When no reply came, she opened the door a crack, making sure she wasn't inside. "Consy honey?" She called out, checking all the bedrooms.

She then checked the different rooms of the house, looking for her.

She went outside on the porch and looked around, as soon as her eyes fell on the giant sycamore tree she moved in its direction. She glanced up into its branches, seeing Consy's small form apparently lost in thought with her eyes closed.

"You know I used to hide up there too..." Kathryn said as she approached softly having noticed Consy.

Consy shook her head, as she always did to clear it. It was a distinctive mannerism. "I can find another if you want this one..." She said.

"It's yours now." Kathryn said with a smile, "Can I join you?"

Consy was about to protest, but before she could do so Kathryn started climbing the tree.

"Careful the third branch is bit..." again before Consy could say anything the branch cracked underneath her foot, and Kathryn lost balance. Fortunately for her, she wasn't too high. She also landed on the soft moss underneath the tree. Consy, swift and agile quickly slid down the tree.

"Are you hurt?" Consy asked.

"Only my pride." Kathryn said as she stood up.

"I promise not to tell." Consy said.

Kathryn smiled, "Thanks" She ruffled up Consy's hair and then got serious. "I'm sorry."

Consy raised a confused brow. "What for?"

"I should have realized how hard all this would be on you." Kathryn sat down, leaning her back against the trunk.

Consy mouthed an "O". Kathryn could readily read her. "It is a bit difficult." Consy admitted as she sat next to her mentor.

Kathryn wrapped a protective arm around Consy, holding her close. "I needed to be alone." Consy said, leaning into Kathryn's embrace, her head resting on Kathryn's shoulder.

"Needed to collect your thoughts?" She asked, smoothing out Consy's long hair.

Consy nodded, melting in the motherly embrace. "Thank you." Consy said after many minutes of comfortable silence had gone by "Thank you for being here, for helping me... for everything."

Kathryn's other hand lifted Consy's face to look into her eyes. "You're a part of me now..." She paused, to see how Consy would react, seeing no negative reaction, she continued "Part of the family. I care for you and I want what's best for you. I will be here, through the bad and through the good." She wiped the tears that swelled out from Consy's eyes.

"I was lost...." Consy said

Kathryn smiled, "but I found you." She hugged Consy tightly in her arms. "You can cry if you want."

----

Theme-song for this story

Cry if you Want

sung by Paul Brandt or Holly Cole

Cry if you want to  
I won't tell you not to  
I won't try to cheer you up  
I'll just be here if you want me

There's no use in keeping a stiff upper lip  
You can weep you can sleep you can loosen your grip  
You can frown you can drown and go down with the ship  
You can cry if you want you

Don't ever apologize venting your pain  
It's something to me you don't need to explain  
I don't need to know why I don't think it's insane  
You can cry if you want to

The windows are closed the neighbors aren't home  
If it's better with me then to do it alone  
I'll draw all the curtains and unplug the phone  
You can cry if you want to

You can stare at the ceiling tear at your hair  
Swallow your feelings and stagger and swear  
You can show things and throw things and I wouldn't care  
You can cry if you want to

No I won't make fun of you I won't tell anyone  
I won't analyze what you do or you should have done  
I won't advise you to go and have fun  
You can cry if you want to

when it's empty and ugly and terribly sad  
I can't feel what you feel but I know it feels bad  
I know that it's real and it makes you so mad  
You can cry

Cry if you want to  
I won't tell you not to  
I won't try to cheer you up  
I'll just be here if you want me to be near you


End file.
